Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
