sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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