so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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