My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
