in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
