Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
