I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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