I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
