i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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