Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
