Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
