Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
