hell yes lets make some ravioli
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
