Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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