remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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