help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
