he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
