he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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