he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
