Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
