Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
