just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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