Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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