i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
