I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
