Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
