Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
