I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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