its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish you could order shots online.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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