I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i now understand why vodka
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
