Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
