she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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