Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
