She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
