i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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