The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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