i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
