So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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