My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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