I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
