i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
