she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
