she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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