Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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