I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
