Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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