What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
