life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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