Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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