she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
