Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
