so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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