First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
