Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
