Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
